When thinking about how self-regulation develops, it's helpful to think about the changes that happen during early childhood in evolutionary terms. What we think of as important 'executive functions' for living in modern society have developed over time to help us cope and thrive in an increasingly busy and stressful world, where society puts specific requirements on us around our behaviours. For instance, in a classroom situation, it can feel problematic when children become distracted: by a wasp, by a worker digging up the road outside your room, or by a sudden flurry of snow. But, in reality, the very act of turning towards 'a distraction' is an evolutionary adaptation designed to keep us safe. When the 'loud noise' could have been a wild animal, prowling outside the cave where you are sheltering, it is very important to be drawn towards that noise. Children only gradually learn to inhibit these kinds of instinctive responses, in conjunction with the modelling and support of adults, and learning alongside their peers.
Babies are not born able to self-regulate - in fact, it would be problematic if they were, because self-regulation develops in partnership with language and the stages we go through in learning to self-regulate are crucial in terms of our development. Babies need to cry, in order to communicate to us that there is some kind of problem - perhaps they are tired, hungry, stressed, in pain. Babies need to be what we might call 'distractible' - they are drawn to explore the world around them, turning or reaching towards whatever draws their attention, and this again is how they learn and develop. It's also useful to understand that, when babies are born, their senses are not fully developed, particularly their eyesight. They can only very gradually start to 'make sense' of the fuzzy world around them, through interacting with it and physically experiencing it. Gradually, as babies and young children learn how to use language to express themselves and ask questions, they start to learn how to 'think through' their actions, inhibit some responses, and develop social behaviours and social communication. It is no coincidence that difficulty with self-regulation is often seen alongside under-developed language skills. The experiences that we go through in early childhood are a key part of how we develop self-regulation skills, with around 90 percent of brain development taking place in those crucial first five years. There are genetic and epigenetic elements in the development of self-regulation, but nurture, environment and experiences play a critical part. In order for babies to develop self-regulation skills, what they most need is sensitive, loving adult caregivers who interact warmly with them and reliably meet their needs. Adults must use we refer to as 'co-regulation', or working together with the child to support them to learn how to self-regulate. Carers need to show what we call in a classroom context 'unconditional positive regard' - that their care and love is not predicated on the behaviour of the child and will not be withdrawn unexpectedly. This in turn allows young children to feel safe, secure and able to explore and take risks, because even if they get something wrong or struggle, they will still be soothed, comforted and loved, as a person in their own right. Alongside these approaches, carers also use what are referred to as 'serve and return' interactions with the child. This term describes the crucial shared interactions between a parent or carer and their child involving gesture, facial expressions and language, which are so powerful in building language, communication and connections in the child's rapidly developing brain. Not only do all these interactions help build language skills, but crucially they allow babies and young children to feel safe in exploring, giving things a go, making mistakes and learning from the results. The adult caregivers create an environment where it is safe to explore, managing risk on behalf of the young child. Where the child finds things too difficult and becomes distressed, the caregivers comfort the child and demonstrate that it is okay to try and struggle. Interestingly, too much interference from adults can be as problematic as too little - we have to support young children to take managed risks for themselves, at the appropriate moment, in order for them to learn and grow. A great example of this is knowing when to let a child pour their own drink - it is likely at first that they will spill the drink. Where adults over react to this 'mistake', the child might draw back from trying again; where adults over help and never let the child have a go at pouring the drink, similarly they will never learn to do so by themselves. The role of agency - of letting the child 'have a go' at things they are interested in doing, is fundamental to the development of self-regulation. As I often find myself saying, there is a reason why the word 'self' is part of the term. We cannot do it for them, and indeed we should not want to, because our goal is to build independence and self-esteem. Children need to learn to see themselves as active agents, shaping their own experiences of their world, in order to fully develop their self-regulation skills. Another interesting aspect in the development of self-regulation is the reliable availability of resources. Again, thinking about self-regulation in evolutionary terms, this is a key factor in what allowed humans to become social animals and to work in groups. Where resources are scarce, we might see behaviours that we label as 'dysregulated' - snatching, grabbing, stealing. As human beings learned how to regulate, resources could more reliably be shared around a group of people, with social communication being used to decide how this might take place (for instance, through bartering). In a classroom context, if you think about a child who has been brought up with very little access to toys, or perhaps in a situation where there is food poverty, the instinctive reaction might be to grab or snatch from another child, for fear of that scarcity meaning they do not get a look in. When people say that 'behaviour is communication', this is a great example of how an inappropriate behaviour (snatching) can indicate an underlying issue that is about the child's early experiences and development, rather than what some commentators might label 'bad' behaviour. Finally, it is very useful to remember that these skills develop over time, and that they do not all develop simultaneously. Research has shown that empathy is one of the later developing skills. We actually see the early signs of empathy in very young babies - where they will start to cry in response to the sound of another baby in distress. But it is only once they have developed 'theory of mind' that they can start to understand how to fully 'place' themselves in the position of another. I'll return to the fascinating subject of empathy, and share some thoughts about building this skill in a classroom context, in another in this series of blogs. My latest book, which looks at these topics in much greater depth, is The Ultimate Guide to Self-Regulation, published in January 2025. You can order a copy here.
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AuthorSue Cowley is a teacher, trainer and the author of more than 30 books for teachers ArchivesCategories |